Newton residents were shocked and saddened by the death of Nancy Hanson in a domestic violence incident on July 15. Unfortunately, domestic violence is all too prevalent. 33.9% of Massachusetts women and 31.7% of Massachusetts men will experience physical violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetimes. There are 53 organizations that offer some form of domestic violence services and advocacy. Fig City News reached out to a local agency, The Second Step, to learn more.
Advocates at The Second Step would like people to know:
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. However, if you are worried about the behaviors of a partner, your safety, or that of your children or others in your household, contacting an agency can be helpful. The advocates at The Second Step emphasize that they are not there to tell you what to do, but are there to listen, offer support, and partner with you in ways that make you comfortable. They encourage people to not just search online for help or advice, but to call and talk with an advocate who can tailor advice to your situation. Advocates can discuss the issues with you and help you evaluate risks. They are able to connect you to free legal resources and will even accompany you to court if that is what you need.
It is important to make a safety plan, and advocates at an agency can help you do that. A safety plan includes identifying where you can go and who can help you, as well as ensuring access to transportation, money, and how you will keep children or other family members safe. It is important to have a safety plan in place before filing a restraining order, since a restraining order is only one layer of protection. Initial restraining orders are usually valid for only 10 days, and safety plans are needed for before you file a restraining order and for after the order is in place.
If a restraining order is being violated, be sure to report that to the police, as that record is vital to any request to extend or renew a restraining order. It is also important to keep lines of communication open with law enforcement as much as possible.
Advocates are available by phone on confidential hotlines with multi-lingual advocates and/or translation:
- The Second Step Intake line (non-emergency): 617-965-2538
- REACH, located in Waltham, maintains a 24/7 hotline: 800-899-4000
- SAFELINK (Massachusetts-wide, 24/7, toll-free): 1-877-785-2020
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 in English, Spanish, and 200 other languages through interpretation service): 800-799-7233
If you suspect a friend, neighbor, relative or coworker is experiencing domestic violence, there are ways you can help. If you are supporting someone experiencing domestic violence — or if you have worries for a friend, neighbor, or coworker — you can contact an advocate to find out what you can do. They are available to talk not only to people experiencing domestic violence but also to friends, family, co-workers, etc. Advocates can help you figure out how you can help and support someone.
The staff at The Second Step offers this advice about how –and how not – to help:
Do:
- Check in at a safe time and place
- Take time to listen and believe what they say
- Express concern for their wellbeing
- Offer helpful resources
- Respect their choices
- Remind them this is not their fault
- Be patient
Do Not:
- Feel the need to be an expert
- Judge or blame them
- Set ultimatums
- Pressure them to make decisions
- Provide counseling or advice
- Mediate between survivor and abuser
Lives are very intertwined, and it is hard for someone to leave an abusive partner. There are often children or other family members in the home, and leaving and then returning is a highly risky situation. There are resources available – when an individual is ready to access them.
